I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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