Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
