hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
where am i from again
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize