sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
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