Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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