Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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