i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
