Soap is not a condiment
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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