Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
