Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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