my mouth tastes like poor choices
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
