so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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