your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
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