I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
