Where are you?
In a non slutty way
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i dont even know how to be here
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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