i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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