Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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