We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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