I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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