Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
