Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
