You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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