I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
