Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
