Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
