Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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