New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Randomize
