Umm I'm too high to move.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I wear drunk well.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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