Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I am naked and annoyed.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
