Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
