i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
