I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
