well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
