3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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