Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Betty ford says i'm here all night
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
