his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Randomize
