filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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