Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
