You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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