I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
