I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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