10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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