I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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