Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
