My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
