My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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