Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Randomize
