I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
