Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
