Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize
