those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
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you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
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I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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