she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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