My underwear smells like fireworks.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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