She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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