After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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