youre lurking in front of me
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
