I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Randomize
