I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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