yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
