Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
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