Well apparently he's into motor boating.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
