You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize