Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
