She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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