i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
