I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
