I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
