I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
